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051519

::051519::

Every soul's
got a goal,
and we all get a shot.
Gotta take it... to make it,
though we don't get a lot.

If forever were ever
if forever were bought,
just give me a dime
and some time
(just whatever you've got)...

For every goal's
got a soul,
so whatever I've sought
I've gotta fake it... to make it...
because it's never a lot.

Now I know that I'm not
so heavenly brought,
but please allow me to give
all I've got.

I've got a lot.

My first poem was written on May 15th, 1995. It was about basketball. Every year on that date since, I write another poem about where I am in my basketball life. The original is in some notebook somewhere, and I'll add it to the site one day. Click here to see others.

What Am I to You?

:: What Am I to You? ::

If I were your promise,
would you break me?
If I were your dream,
would you wake me?
If I were your life,
would you hate me
or would you live me each day?

If I were your door,
would you walk out?
If I were your more,
would you want less?
If I were your baggage,
would you leave me
or would you stay inside this mess?

If I were an hour,
would you drive me?
If I were a town,
would you come?
If I were your nothing,
would you...
still swear I was the one?

Ya know, I kinda feel like a promise,
and I sorta feel like a dream -
spoken then woken then broken...
and not as I seem.
I sometimes feel like a door,
and I surely feel like I'm less
when I truly know that I'm more
than just something to rest

my head up against
(my bed up against) -
to keep everything out
(to keep everything in)
as I quietly shout : : : : :

If I were your promise,
would you break me?
If I were your dream,
would you wake me?
If I were your life,
would you make me
something you'd hate in time?
Or would I be more
than your nothing -
something you could never define?

If I were your life,
would I be your life
in the way you're obviously mine?

When Pigs Fly

When Pigs Fly

A pig flies over a frozen hell
but all is still not well
His wings ache
for they've never flown before

The sun dies right at noon -
dying far too soon
Tears at daybreak -
more than any's known before

Snow's come down like summer rain
I said flip it once again
For no luck could hide my pain
Whether Heads or tails, I won't win

But on its side the coin has fell
Frozen is this hell
The pained sky flying by,
but all is still not well

They woke me from the sweetest dream
to tell me
that it's true
But back to sleep I sadly go
as the dream I'm fastened to

They said it couldn't happen,
not for one as I.
If summer were our heaven
it's only Fallen by

But I never turned an eye
I never said I'd die
Despite it all,
I let it all just pass me by

choked up

choked up

Spoken in deepen sleep;
what I recall's the younger me.
Woken with wolves around me,
but we all live so hungrily.

To smile as you die young
beats to cry as you die old.
I'd rather do neither one,
but that's just a lie we're sold.

I was choked by the hands of destiny,
til it was I
who relinquished grip.
She joked and laughed so recklessly;
these spears were birthed
from our lips.

These fears were graved
deep in our souls;
unearthed to bear their sullen core.
She robbed me of so many
better days,
while the best were what we swore.

And the rest
is in a store with neighbors,
where they see me by myself.
These subtleties are more
than I can handle,
while I swore that they were less.

It's a mess - this life of ours...
where we breathe until we're gone.
And we're gone until we're breathing,
as the cycle rages on.

This sage is on
his final thought now;
I'm not as wise as I was before.

So place your hands around my neck, dear...
so I don't have to anymore.

Billy Ray

Billy Ray

Billy Ray came to school today
It's been so long, but he came anyway
Just this once, he's gonna learn a thing or two

Saw a girl down the hall
He was kinda short; she was kinda tall
But it didn't matter, he did what he had to do

Hands all red while he gave his heart
to a girl who tore it all apart
What he learned that day, our boy would never tell

He got much more than he bargained for
His heart beside him on the floor
It was figurative, but it hurt like hell

She hands our boy a crown of thorns
she made from roses that were worn
She's been handed her share of flowers long before

Hands still red but in his heart,
the color's faded in the dark
He tried to paint it red, but couldn't anymore

The morning rise awoke his eyes
It smelled like roses that had died
Awoken long before he realized what was done

He said come to mind, but let me be
None so blind as who refuse to see,
but that doesn't apply when someone's looking at the sun

Awoken long 'fore he saw his heart
was broken, wronged, and torn apart
He looked again, for he felt so insecure

Skipping school once again,
the spear on his side has gone within
His best excuse, but the worst thing he's endured

They say in love, we all must learn
They say that fire's gotta burn
But what would happen if they never said those things?

Would the whip still lash upon a back?
Would closed eyelashes bring a black
that only closed eyes could ever truly bring?

The girl's bore pains that were her cross
She's found herself within a loss
But that doesn't mean she's gotta nail his skin

Lying there in the dark,
her pain's so far in his heart
He feels the pain that had always been

Footprints dressed all in red
They thought our boy was all but dead
But so much wont happen if you learn to just refuse

Billy Ray came to school today
Broken heart, but anyway
He says love's a game that somebody's gotta lose

teardrops

teardrops

I'm hearin' teardrops out my window
I'm hearin' cries that ain't the wind
I'm lookin' in the mirror
'cause this feels like it's the end


Love's like dancin' in the rain
to a song you'll never learn
in waters that would drown you
if they ever failed to burn


Lookin' out my window -
out my window once again,
I see someone sadly knows
but doesn't understand
He failed to hear the thunder
loudly say to him
"We've seen our share of broken hearts"
He had a dream he held within

but sometimes you've gotta wake
There are times that never mend
Lightning struck what it would break -
Love's murdered once again

But the rain just falls
and through it all,
the sky can't keep from crying
I saw the man just fall and fall
This guy can't keep from trying
Demented rain to kill again,
relented now in sighing
In the rain, I think again -
what's the use in trying?


I heard a phone that had to ring
but only in a mind
did he ever call her back
In reality she cried


Cold's the same as loneliness
She's frozen to the bone
So lost she is from happiness,
she's found herself alone

The wind blew through her opened door
Her head - it never turned
For why shy away from loneliness
to only end up burned

She woke today and didn't pray
All the rain had dried away
The morning sun made her think
What's the use in crying?

She had her tears, but never here
He died trying to find her
But all that life has made her think
is what's the use in dying?

Writer's Block

Writer's Block

Through writer's block, I knock
on those stone-cold doors again
They answer through their silence
but never let me in

Time and time again,
I'm lost and somewhat found
So with empty pad and pen,
I find it hard to now sit down

on these hallway floors again -
I've fallen to the ground
Never do I write
but still I'm writing now

And I write far on top -
on top my writer's block
Till it goes away again,
I write my every thought

As the ink is wearing thin,
till all my ink is gone;
the day is wearing thin
although the day is long

Through all that I have been,
I've not kept from being strong
I write another line
although the ink is gone

And as the paper's staying white
on which I try to write,
it's blown away by breeze -
the breeze of all my plight

I'm writing in my mind -
my words are just a dream
I'm writing all the time,
as time is everything

The block on which I write
has grown and touched the sky
but I'll climb my every mountain
as long as I survive

The block on which I write
weighs heavy on my mind,
but I will overcome
like I have my every time

So I'm writing on the ground
outside the coldest doors
It doesn't matter if they open -
it doesn't matter anymore

I'm writing now somehow
till my writing has to end
And after all that I have written,
I'm writing still within

Remembering a time

Remembering a time

A cold man
playing with some matches
ignores all those who say
fire burns

A sweet girl
messin' with the sour
doesn't realize she'll be bitter
in the bitter cold

A soft hand
the softest of an answer
can't turn away the harshness of his scorn

His hard hand
burned by all the matches
Maybe she was better off in the cold

A long day
really isn't over
until you forget it never really was

A sweet girl
with a morsel of the sour
remembers a time that made her strong

The Spotlight

The Spotlight

The spotlight blinds
and burns me
but my wounds will never kill.
So would I rather
see my pain
or would I rather feel?

My only thought
upon this stage
is the only thing that's real
is whatever
makes you feel alive
is all that you should feel.

In a room of darkness shrouded,
she put her wounds away.
Pouring from her eyelids,
her wounds would never stay.

Her sleeves were never long enough,
so she would never leave.
Can't you shine the spotlight in there?
She needs it more than me.

Still I sing a song - a daydream -
is all it ever was
No spotlight here to burn me,
though that's all it ever does.

But the girl is in
no daydream.
Her dreams are only done.
I wish that I could help her,
but all I have's the sun.

All I have's
a voice that's
rasping from my lungs.
The only person clapping
has never truly come.

There's thousands that surround me,
but I'm the only one.
I'd sing another song,
but the concert's come undone.

So as the spotlight's dimming,
I fall onto the floor.
The darkness is beginning
to be what I adore.

All the crowd has left me;
all that I had owned.
Through blinded eyes I see her
sitting all alone.

Shine the spotlight on her,
so this little girl can see.
Shine the spotlight on her.
She needs it more than me.

The Morning Dew (An Insomniac's Epiphany)

The Morning Dew (An Insomniac's Epiphany)

Midnight's come and gone
I lie upon my bed again

My eyes are drawn
to the dawn
rising everywhere
but within

My heart is set
at dawn as yet
my soul's at dusk as I begin
my day
without a wink
of sleep the hours fly I think

why I'm here
in living drear
A life to somehow be away
from or so I hear
I'm never near
For it's easier to sleep at day

While at night,
escape a dream -
unconsciously is what I do
Escape a life
I realize
awakened by the morning dew