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051518 --- Mount Everest

051518 --- Mount Everest

Half asleep, but waken whole.
Time took all its toll
without a dime to spare for me,
but the dreams that I had stole

are priceless now I'm working for
a broken dollar sign.
Awoken by the dreams of theirs
as if those dreams were mine.

I've got this train of thought I bought
off the rails of which I fell.
Headed towards a mountain peak,
but one can never tell

if the mountain's but a hillside
or if the climbing's far too steep.
Yet still we climb and climb and climb
without a look, without a leap.

Broken dollar signs,
but all I need's the peak.
The strongest thought of mine
is to concede that I am weak.

I'm amiss but still redeeming,
forging dimes from solid steel.
I assist to keep them dreaming
because dreams are all that's real.

My first poem was written on May 15th, 1995. It was about basketball. Every year on that date since I write another poem about where I am in my basketball life. The original is in some notebook somewhere, and I'll add it to the site one day. Click here to see others.

Oil on the Canvas (RAISE THE PRICE OF GAS!)

RAISE THE PRICE OF GAS!--- because something has to be done to make it worth dying for. Per gallon, the price of gas should be higher than the price of milk because something has to be done to make it worth dying for.

Oil on the Canvas

She looked a bit dull to be so beautiful,
but people thought it-
so that's the way it was

I thought by now she'd be taken down
I thought by now she'd have to fall
But that picture just remained on the wall

So we've got oil on the canvas
whose artist is a bandit
who's never had a jail cell
keep 'im from his own hell

We've got a soldier in a coffin
and a funeral so often
that we mourn for only those
that don't go well

We've got a preacher in a pulpit
and a choir full of culprits
and a story for our children
that we can never tell...

And still we've got this oil to sell
So now I'm picturing hell
as I wish the picture would fall
And so... well, everything fell
while it stayed on the wall

We've got oil on the canvas
I couldn't understand it-
why an artistic bandit
did what he does

It looked a bit dull to be so beautiful,
but people thought it-
so that's the way it was

Heroine [sic]

Heroine [sic]

A sweet addiction
A dangerous need
Calloused veins
in a hallway bleed

With hazel eyes, she looked at me
to show me what I've never seen
Her hazel eyes, alluringly,
show me what I'd never be

With hazel eyes, she looked at me
before my blood was pure as wine
She knew I couldn't live without
her eyes upon the eyes of mine

Impeded breaths, a clouded mind
In insomnia, alone I'd strive
Impeded deaths, the pain I'd find
The greatest pain is I'm left alive

To let her go, the pain I'd know
wouldn't take me from the pain I'm in
Coursing through my open veins,
my girl has kissed me once again

My heart is slow
but still I know
it beats for you
and only you
Calloused veins
collapse in vain
to only have a dream untrue

But with bluer eyes
like bluer skies,
another woman came to me
She said I'll course
through your veins
if you'll course through the veins of me

With heavy legs,
I ran to her
With heavy arms,
I held her tight
I held her through the restless days
I held her through
the restless nights

And still through all the grayer skies,
she held me shaking by her side
And still through all the blatant lies,
she'd be only the truth I'd ever hide

And still through all the horrid nights,
she'd be my truest, sweetest dream
And still through all the needs I might,
she'd be the only thing I'd need

My sweet addiction, my only need
The only thought inside my mind
With bluer skies, so finally
the silver's left a clouded line

With the bluest eyes, she looked at me
when before my blood was pure as wine
She knew I couldn't live without
her eyes upon the eyes of mine

Heroin is a dangerous drug mostly because the user begins to need it to survive --- A need like water to the deserted or like air to the one who drowns. Love is a dangerous drug as well for all the same reasons unless you're lucky enough to find someone so heroic they help you fight your way through all the battles. In this story, our heroin addict found his heroine and survived because of her.

Street names for heroin: Hazel, sweet dream, dirt, noise, pure, hero, train, brown sugar, joy, horse, poison, junk.

Symptoms, signs, & results: Insomnia, restlessness, clouded mental functions, itching, heavy feeling in the user's arms and legs, muscle and bone pain, involuntary leg movement, vomiting, cold flashes, nausea, collapsed veins from repeated injections, slowed breaths, slowed cardiac functions, eye pupils very small with little reaction. Users often find hallways of abandoned building in which to take the drug. Other signs include blatant lying to cover their tracks, silver foil will start to disappear as it's often used to cook the drug, money might come up missing, dramatic weight loss, more energy than usual, and shaking from withdrawal symptoms (aka "going cold turkey"). Besides injecting into the veins, users also smoke and inhale the drug.

Heroine Hotline: 844.229.2468 (24/7, Toll-free, Confidential)



Be wary and chary
of things unknown
Don't trust tomorrow
or days unshown

Don't trust the yester-
not one alone
For all days worry
for just their own

The Past is truthful,
but's died in shame
For he wasn't honest
before his pain

And although today
is all we've got,
trust him not
for he'll die the same

Today has told
its share of lies
So much's done
to just survive

But surely know
from all the host,
distrust tomorrow
the very most

Years'll come
Years'll go
In an eye, a wary blink
But stare and lie
with open eyes-
weary seen a golden brink

Monthly blue-
a dying moon-
but our uneasiness comes at noon

A week is weak
as what it wreaks
is ended, too, so very soon

But tomorrow lies
with open eyes
around every corner
that's ever been
Injures us with hopefulness
Entices us
and lures us in

But what hurts the most
are memories
of what it was to you back when
Surely once-
no matter what-
Tomorrow's been your greatest friend

So keep an eye
for many days,
but surely know
from all the host

If there's a day
of any day...
Distrust tomorrow
the very most

My Mask

My Mask

Behind a mask I hide,
but I swear it hides from me
For every mirror eyed,
my mask I cannot see

Behind a mask I ask
a question fit for me:
Which one of these personas
do I intend to be?

Which mask is mine to own
and which is not for me?
For two's too many people
for one to not be free

I'm locked inside my home
and no one has the key
I'm the one you see alone
yet another deep in me

My skin or what's within's
the ruse that I must be
when looked upon by you
or when I look upon the me

Behind a mask I wait
but no answer comes to me
I guess I am what I am on the outside
and I am what I can't see.

A Wish

A Wish

I fell into a wishing well
wishing it were hell
I crossed my heart and hoped to die
the moment that I fell

Fingers crossed and never lost,
I know just where I am
As I lie and never die,
I never understand

Why I sink upon the brink
Of disasters seen
As I think, I never blink
But live within a dream

In a well in which I fell,
I look unto the sky
I pinch myself 'cause nothing else
was ever worth a try

Shooting stars have come and gone
But nothing's ever stayed
Broken glass, my mirror's past
can't become unmade

Things I've done I've never won
But there never was a game
And still I've lost upon a cross
All that's real is pain

Although I've heard the wisest words
Say to me in vane
"The rainbows only come, my friend,
after all the rain"

I hear 'em not, my only thought
Is to believe that I have sinned
While sinking I
Saw a guy
Every now and then

A winking eye, I'm thinking I
Have been deceived now once again
Still I'm winking back, thinking back
To a time that's never been

All the time I could've done
Something more than drown
All these times in my mind
They're an illusion to me now

I'm in a well that isn't hell
But as it starts to rain,
I'm here without a wound
in the midst of all my pain.

Flown Away

Flown Away

I want you to hold me
like I've never
been held
I want you above me
want you to love me
once more

I've seen a bird
And I've seen a million things
that have never gone
my way

To be on this side
of a fantasy
feels wrong
Wish I had arms to reach you
but no arms have ever been made
that long

I've seen a bird
I wish I could choose the things
and instead lose the things
that stay

It's not much of a sunrise
without your eyes,
that's true
But if I had to,
I'd watch it all explode
with you

I've seen a bird
but maybe -
just maybe -
it's flown

metaphored reality

metaphored reality

I've got this house
inside of me ---
a metaphored reality.

But I'm an open door,
so pardon me
if all I'm asking for's
the simile
of if I'm the door
then you're the key.

This heartbeat inside of me
pounds and pounds from deep inside
til my soul's the hole
that hides my pride.

You know I've cried,
but 'seed's need rain'
is what I've told myself
once again.

And you know I've lied
when i say that pain's
anything but the worst of things.

You know I've tried
to go insane,
but this mind of mine has clipped my wings.

Truly a Hero of Mine

Truly a Hero of Mine

At least love has given me something
It may not be everything
It's given me the desire to fly one day
and the ability to have a dream

So I'll always try to fly somehow
though heartache is all that it brings
I just know I've gotta fly one day
because my heart is blessed to have wings

In a world that's forever imprisoned,
we find it was never our crime
The world in its blood like a church-
a blood so pure and fine

Some say the blood is our crimson
Some say the blood is our wine
I say we're all free to keep searching,
but freedom is never to find

And all through the years that have blackened,
a beacon to those unaware
And all through the tears that have blinded,
the sight for those never there

And all through the fear that has frightened,
giving in could never compare
As every step of a stair that is taken
is just a step amongst the stairs

My dream is to keep others dreaming
My dream is to make 'em all true
For why dream and dream and keep dreaming,
if that's all that you'll ever do

But I dream and I dream, and I'm dreaming
if I think that I'll make it all true
But I'll dream and I'll dream, as I'm dreaming
for everyone and anyone too

But love has forsaken in darkness
and passion has been but a lie
And I try to ease some of their darkness
by giving light and a reason to fly

Love's only given me little,
but still I'm destined to try
because I've had so many heroes
with souls refusing to die

And at least love's given me something
and it may only be part of the sky
And though my wings have certainly failed me,
my dreams all know better to die

As in 'em I'll always keep flying
though heartache is all that it brings
For I know I've gotta fly someday
because my heart is blessed to have wings

Not that I've ever been martyred
Not that I've fought and I've died
But because I'm here and I'm willing
and I'll always be willing to try
That's why
I'm truly a hero of mine

Dedicated to all the heroic individuals who have lived and to all of those who have died... but mostly dedicated to the notion that we all have something heroic inside of us. Happy MLK Day.

Her Heart

Her Heart

She was holding her heart
on a sunny day
She was holding her heart
It must've got away

It looked like it broke
and she saw the pieces fall
It looked like she picked them up
but couldn't get them all

She was holding her heart
on a rainy day
There were nothing but blue skies
but it rained anyway

Now I've heard people say
Don't trust a brokenhearted soul
Someone told me today
Don't trust a brokenhearted soul
I heard they'll take
your heart I'm told
They'll take the warmest heart
and turn it cold
I heard they'll take your heart
and trade it in for gold
They'll take every piece of their heart
and trade 'em in for wholes

She was holding her heart
on a rainy day
There were nothing but blue skies
but it rained anyway

And so I had her in mind
from so long ago
Once she touched my eyes
I'd never let her go

I had her in my mind
and in my heart I know
But I don't know when or how
she got in my soul

She was holding my heart
on a sunny day
From the first time I saw her
I was here to stay

But those who said it were right
We couldn't last for long
I thought since she's never seen right,
she wouldn't do me wrong

Those who said it were right
We didn't last for long
They said she couldn't do right
'cause she's only been wronged

She was holding my heart
on a rainy day
I did nothing but right
but she wronged me anyway

Now I was holding a frame
just the other day
I was holding our frame
It must've got away

It looked like it broke
I saw the pieces fall
I thought I picked them up
but I couldn't get them all

Now I want us smiling like
the photograph above
I want us smiling like
our photograph of love

Before the broken frame
fell off the wall
Before we woke in pain
When we had it all

Before we let today
slowly slip away
I want us smiling like
it was still yesterday

When she was holding her heart
on that rainy day
When there were nothing but blue skies
while it rained anyway