So lately, I've started to believe that I'm conceited. And I don't mean believing that I'm conceited as in the moment of clarity sort of way wherein we're all conceited and the realization of that is what inspires the truest of all humilities. I mean in thereally conceited way, ya know? Well, either way, let me explain myself.

Firstly, in my efforts to stay humble, I have attempted to either assume myself to be equal or lesser than other human beings only to have my efforts slain by most everyone. For example, I would assume that I'm not the most tolerant person in the world… so, as it is, I attempt to treat others as if they're just as- if not more so- tolerant than I am. In doing so, however, I've offended many individuals in so many instances, on so many levels, and in so many incomprehensible ways. I've been yelled at, scorned, and mistreated because of things I've done that exceeded the threshold of certain individuals' level of tolerance. I would've and could've easily tolerated those things and much more, but they could not. So now I'm now forced to believe that I'm more tolerant than 99 percent of people? That's probably wrong… but more and more I'm beginning to think that sort of thing is true.

Now while being more tolerant doesn't make me better than anyone, there are in fact many other aspects and situations in life in which I've outrivaled most people. These things don't necessarily reflect one person being better or worse than another, but one is forced to at least humor the notion once these things continue to add up.

Another example, you say?

Well… I have the capacity to have fun without alcohol. And I don't mean "haha fun"… I mean such a drunken, hysteria-level-of-fun that mirrors or exceeds true drunkenness to the point where people rarely allow me to drive them home. I don't take any drugs of any kind either. The way I act is just my normal level of behavior, which usually brings with it much contempt. When people are drunk, all is usually well… until, of course, they realize I'm not drunk and think me crazy. But when people are sober, they find me- once again- so intolerable. Now while this just bugs me, my conceit comes when all of these people spend thousands of dollars buying alcohol just to be like me. Now I'm forced to assume that their previous resentment is simply some latent form of jealousy due to the money they're willing to spend and the alcohol they're willing to consume and then regurgitate just for a night of "Jon-like fun".

I don't want to be cocky, and I'm not proud of it. I've just come to the realization that maybe I'm actually better than most people out there. And believe me… this is NOT a good thing. I don't want to live in a world where even this blog could be looked upon in a negative light by one of you about to give a comment. Am I just supposed to assume that I'm more understanding than most of you out there, whereas I would take the words within this blog as they're meant to be?- well intended by a well-intentioned person. I comprehend most types of humor out there and I would probably see the humorous side of this blog whereas there are some out there who might be offended in some way by my words. Should I take these people into consideration before posting such a blog. Should I assume I'm more understanding than they are? Should I assume their eyes are capable of seeing the various sides of any given situation like my eyes do?

Furthermore, should I assume that I'm more laid back and relaxed than my neighbor who hates me having my music too loud? I wouldn't mind his music…

Should I assume I'm more benevolent than most and not ask someone to do me a favor I would've easily done for them? Should I not be surprised when they look at me with disgust for even suggesting such a HUGE request?

Should I assume that I'm better at coping with hard times than 99 percent of my friends who despise when I have a smiling, get-over-it attitude during their hard times just because that's how I would handle mine? Am I stronger than they are? Should I just believe I am to ensure I don't offend anyone? Should I believe and act as though I'm superior than others to ensure I offend far less people?

My last example for the day is a Biblical one… so I can show you that even God agrees with me. [Although I'm not really sure I've said anything to be agreed or disagreed with yet? But nevertheless, I'm sure God would have my back if I have…]

The Bible states that you should treat others as you would have them treat you. I would love it if a stranger gave me a hug in the middle of the street, but strangers find it strange when I hug them out of nowhere. I wouldn't mind if someone randomly sifted though my wallet either, but folks get scared, untrusting, mad, or in "police-calling mode" when I do such a thing [what are they hiding?]. And I adore people who tell me honestly what they're thinking, but fat people get angry when I call them big, friends hate my criticism, and- ironically enough- people disbelieve me when I tell them a true, albeit randomly ostentatious, compliment. [side note: "You look beautiful today" falls on deaf ears, but "You look a little fat" elicits a profound response, which happens to be the true attention we all crave and thrive for. That's bad conditioning, ladies…]

I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the point. Or should I assume that you're not coherent enough to get the point? Yea, it's getting a little weird now…

Well anyway--- I want to be humble, but people just seem to be the lesser. Now I realize this might be what everyone thinks, and that would help me out a lot to know that I'm not alone. But, for now, I'll just feel a tad bit guilty for being so conceited. However, being conceited will undoubtedly assist me in my relationships with people. I won't treat others as I treat myself. I'll treat them like they're just a little bit less just in case they are. The thought of "just because I can handle that doesn't mean they can" will forever be on my mind. I shall be cocky and perhaps one day I'll be proud of it. I just hope all of those around me appreciate what I'm doing for them by being so arrogant.

And just in case you don't get the point and don't know whether I'm conceited or not…. 

The answer is NO. But being so would definitely help a world of things. Being inwardly conceited seems to enhance one's ability to interpersonally connect. People love being treated as if they're clueless just as long as they never get the impression that you actually think so. Being catered to intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually are the ways to the hearts of so many this day and age. [As for yet another obscure side note: maybe we'd realize our commonalities with Asians if we stopped referring to them as being from the Far East and started realizing that they're also just to the West of us. The world is round, ya know…]

And while I've always been a fervent believer in treating everyone as my equal, my efforts have been met with the worst of things. I've treated the elderly like they were my equals and I've been told to show some respect. I've treated strangers like they were my friends and I've been labeled a creep. I've found the strength to smile on a cloudy day and people have said I'm fake. Now perhaps they'd have me believe that I'm less, but the only feeling that I get from all of this is that I'm more.I'd rather be less though… just so you're aware of that.

I think arrogance is a disease that's eating our world away. But the disease of arrogance is necessary as it alleviates the cancer that is the compassionless and loveless environment in which we live. I've tried to cure both by instituting the way I live my life as a third and antidotal factor, but now it seems I must try to settle for the lesser of the two previously mentioned evils. I will truly strive to be as inwardly conceited as possible… That's truly as altruistic as I could ever be.

So… What do you think? Am I Conceited?